I think I'm going to go for it.
My boss said to me the other day that I could ruin the rest of my life and every other relationship I ever have by thinking back to what ST did or I could focus on what's good in my life and enjoy what I have.
Nothing will ever remove the hurt or humilation of being left for no reason, with no explanation after only a few weeks of marriage. Neither do I think I'll ever truly be able to let myself go as freely and willingly as I did before but I refuse to let ST taint what my future holds.
He may have robbed me of my dignity, my life savings and given me a year of hell with bailiffs banging down my door, mysterious phone calls in the night and an absolute cast iron refusal to even speak to me to tell me why he'd gone but I'm not going to let him take anything else anymore.
I shared the e-mail I sent to ST with Tom when I sent it and he just said I should do what makes me feel better. He knows how hard having no answers and no explanations has been for me. However, seeing Tom so poorly this week has made me realise how terrifying life would be without him and how much he means to me. I don't know who set out this path for me; I've no idea why they sent me ST before Tom but I guess there was method in their madness and that they know what's best for me. I'm happier, more settled and more relaxed than I've ever been in my life and it's all down to Tom.
He makes me laugh every day and he's the first person I want to tell things to and the only person I want around and definitely the only person I can ever imagine being a family with. If that's not a sign that things are for keeps then I don't know what is.
So, next time diamonds are mentioned, I don't think I'll be dashing off and hiding in my house. I'm not about to start debating the finer points between Maggie Sottero and Caroline Castigliano just yet (i think it'd be a fair few years before I'd be ready for that again), but a trip to Tiffany's or De Beers doesn't seem quite so daunting as it did when he first mentioned it.
Now who'd have thought that a rancid chickenburger could make you realise someone is the one...
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4 comments:
sorry, tried to post just now and forgot my password!
I'm so pleased to hear your news. Sometimes it takes the thought of losing someone we love to realise just how much they do mean to us. You deserve on the best that life has to offer, you deserve to be happy, loved and cherished. I know from my own experience how hard it can be to let go again, but sometimes we have to take risks to reach great places.
Love & hugs
Rita R
xx
YAAAY! Oh I'm so happy for you hun! You've come a long a way from the person you were after ST began his tyrade of arsehole-ness and I'm glad you are going to open yourself up a little bit about this with Tom.
Everything happens for a reason and perhaps your time with ST was the landslide on lifes mountain, that you had to climb over to appreciate the view at the top more.
Take care of that sunburn hun! xx
Tori-liz
I'm really happy for you Emmie! Take it slow and don't rush into anything too fast, but Tom's a keeper and he makes you so happy.
Good luck with everything
xxxxx
Come on Miss
keep us updated - you've not been on here for ages.
presume things are doing ok - with both Tom and work.
catch up soon hun
take care
love
Sam x
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