Concrete icing and tramps

Mamma Mia! Went to see this last night with mum and it was brilliant! Took my lovely mum out for a meal before the showing and we went to a lovely italian run by a guy who I used to work behind a bar with when I was at Uni. We had a gorgeous dinner which was only slightly ruined by my mum deciding she was going to put the complimentary chocolate in her pocket and then being surprised when it melted and ruined her white jacket.
We went to the pictures and, as usual, the tallest person in the world decided to sit in front of me. Well, they weren't exactly tall but they could have given hair backcombing lessons to Amy Winehouse - their hair seemingly defied gravity and I have a crick in my neck this morning from having to peer round it during the whole film.
The film was really good and although the wedding parts did sting a bit, I absolutely loved the whole thing. Had a slightly odd walk back to the car though as we were followed by some strange music which sounded like drunken pan pipes. We couldn't work out where it was coming from and mum and I were getting a bit freaked out as we were walking down the side of the town park and the music appeared to be plotting our exact path. We speeded up (which wasn't easy in my new shoes which have straps I am sure that are made out of cheese wire) and carried on heading for the street we were parked on.
Just before we crossed the road, a figure came launching out of the bushes. It was a tramp who reeked of drink and was playing a set of plastic children's pan pipes. He did a little blowy tune with a dance for us whilst tatty sainsbury's bags flapped off his elbows like rather smelly wings.
My mother, who I'm sure is meant to protect her offspring, broke the land speed record and hurtled across the road towards the Bakers' Oven cake shop. I was left watching the homeless audition of "Britain's got talent" whilst my mum shrieked such helpful comments as "I think he's on drugs" and the classic "I'm sure that's knights in white satin he's trying to play". Cheers mum.
After the impromptu performance of, "strictly come tramping" the performing vagrant took a deep bow and barked, "Got any fags?" My mum was shouting, "Don't give him anything!" and waving her handbag like some sort of piece of medieval war equipment. I was trapped by the musical vagrant near the park fence and was trying to explain that I was a non smoker and didn't have any spare change either (I genuinely hadn't - popcorn is extortionate and I'd had to borrow a pound off mum!)
I eventually managed to extricate myself from the evening showing of "The sound of music" performed by our local wild rover and dashed over to my mum who was by this time, bordeline hysterical. After I had calmed her down and stopped her whirling her bag above her head like a helicopter blade, I managed to steer her towards the car again. It was then that we both heard, really clearly "Knights in white satin" played on plastic pan pipes.

I was really glad to go out with Mum as my date with the doctor was hideous. I, for some unexplained reason, just could not stop crying when I met him. He was really sweet about it all and gave me a hug but I was in bits. I managed one drink with him and then had to go home. I went straight to my parents where I sobbed for ages and felt generally wretched. I think it was just too much for me to be honest. It seemed too much like a proper "date" and I just didn't feel happy about that as I kept thinking about my lovely trainer boy. Mum sat me down and poured tea down my neck and said some really nice things. She said that she and dad were so proud of the way I was coping and that she felt if it had happened to her she would have gone under. She called me a "brick" and supertwat a "prick" - steady on mum! She also sat and read supertwat's latest e-mail with me which really takes the biscuit. When our joint account was closed, they sent us the balance in the form of a cheque but this was only addressed to ST. I have held onto the chque whilst we have been agreeing things but did not bank it. ST agreed that we would get divorced due to his unreasonable behaviour and that he would give me 3k in addition to the joint account cheque money. (This is out of the actual 26K he owes me!)
Well, no surprises that he's been a complete shite. I posted him the joint account cheque and he has now e-mailed me to say that unless i agree to paying for the divorce, he's not going to give me either the joint account money or my 3K. My parents are livid that he's even suggesting I pay one penny towards the divorce. I spent my life savings on that wedding and then he leaves me and wants me to pay for the pleasure of being humiliated and heartbroken. I don't know where he gets off - I really don't. He's offered £400 towards the court costs but says that he won't pay for any legal fees, solicitors fees etc which is easy for him as his dad's a judge but I have no one to get advice from in my family so I'm really vulnerable. God he's a shit!

Met TB for lunch yesterday as he had a long gap between clients. He was so lovely. he'd bought me a lottery ticket as he said that thought my luck was changing and that hopefully I'd start by winning some money so it wouldn't matter if ST gave me any money or not. He's such a cutie. He's coming round tonight to train me again and I'm cooking him dinner. My kitchen's a right state though as I spent all yesterday afternoon after I saw TB, baking like a mad woman. After baking some homemade cakes for TB the other day, his mum asked if i would do a load of cakes for TB's nephew's birthday party in a couple of weeks. I said "yes" but then panicked cause I haven't made decorated kids' cakes for ages. So, I spent hours up to my neck in flour, jelly tots, strawberry laces and icing. My kitchen looked like an explosion in Willy Wonka's factory but i managed to churn out a load of cakes which, if not Nigella, at least look pretty funky. TB's going to be my chief taster tonight and then I'll whip up another load closer to the party date. God my life is so rock and roll, nights out with my mum and baking fairy cakes - Kate Moss and Peaches Geldof watch out, there's a new party animal in town!

Also spent yesterday morning making trial wedding invites for my brother and SIL2B. I dug out the trusty glue gun and card folder and spent a happy couple of hours in creative heaven, throwing diamantes and ribbon at various little projects. It was great fun and my SIL2B loved them so I was really pleased. Looks like I've got the job as chief stationer as well as bridesmaid so I best get used to all things "wedding" again pretty quickly!

I've also been having such a laugh with my mum as we plan her joint 60th and my dad's 65th birthday party. Her "do" is in a couple of weekends and is a "bus pass" themed party as now they both qualify for their free bus passes.
So far I've organised...

1. Invites like bus tickets
2. Pictures of Nora Batty and Victor Meldrew for the ladies and gents toilet doors
3. Giant bowls of sweets labelled "HRT" and "Viagra"
4. Cut out pages from road atlases as placemats
5. Made bunting from bus timetables
6. Had posters of old buses made up
7. Giant personalised banners
8. Organised for me and my mates to cook and serve the food wearing tabards, slippers and headscarves.
9. Loads of barrels of beer to be delivered to the hall and gallons of wine and spirits.
10. Over 150 guests - eek!
11. Organised a "hideous pensioner's" raffle. This raffle is hysterical. Me and mum went shopping for some horrible stuff. We got, shoe horns, tena lady, dentufix, plastic rainhats, tins of spam, medicated talc, support stockings, pill crushers, pile cream, bunion supports, werther's original, tartan slippers, copies of "peoples friend", hair nets, rollers and all sorts of other horrible stuff. My brother's going to be the MC on the night and will call the raffle - he had everyone in hysterics at his fiancee's 30th and her mum's 60th, he's a natural behind the mic. The music is my mum's friend's band who used to play alongside the Beatle's in the cavern in Liverpool years ago and I've organised for mum and dad to dance to, "When I'm 64"!!!
Can't wait, it should be a right laugh. My mum and dad love a good party and my family are all a bunch of booze hounds so it'll no doubt be complete carnage. My brother and I have also organised for a surprise weekend away for mum. Dad's going sailing with his brother and his mates so mum was actually going to be alone on her birthday. So, my brother, my SIL2B and I are taking her to stay at the Grosvenor in London, taking her to see "hairspray" and out for dinner then tea at the Ritz the next day. She has absolutely no idea why she's going, she thinks it's to go for a weekend of wedding planning stuff as my SIL2b is from London. Hee hee - can't wait to see her face. (I'm going to sneak into her house and pack all of her really best stuff so that she's got her fave outfits down there too as I know she's hate to just be wearing casual stuff in somewhere really posh).

Anyway, got to go now and sort out my marinade for tonight's meat-fest for trainer boy; god that boy gets through some protein. Also got to dig out a pneumatic drill from somewhere to try and chip off the lumps of icing that are all over my kitchen. If anyone has some minor bulding work that they need doing at their houses or loose roof tiles etc, I'm free to come round anytime with my piping bag as I appear to be able to make icing with a consistency to rival concrete.

Keep posting - love to hear from all of you.

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P.S Salsaspin - thanks for posting on YAYW, it's not your fault that nasty people came on here and wrote unhelpful things. You always say and do lovely things; don't feel bad about the actions of one rather horrid person. You're a star. XXXXXXXXXX