Well, another 24 hours and nothing to report.
Just to clarify a few things though. The e-mail communication was set up by my brother as he was fed up of ST calling me all the time and upsetting me and thought e-mail was the least volatile way of communicating.
The communications were meant to relate only to the divorce and separation proceedings and were in place of using a solicitor.
I have stated all along to everyone (ST included) that I didn't want any more contact with ST as I found it exhausting and upsetting and recognised early on that to move on fully I needed to cut all ties with him.
It is him that's refused to let me put it in the hands of the legal team by stating that he categorically refuses to pay for my legal costs as part of the divorce. (Despite owing me 26K!!!)
I have therefore rather had my hand forced into this ridiculous e-mail charade where I am constantly receiving excuses from him as to why he can't pay the money and sneaky little tugs on my heartstrings that he's stressed and upset and "sad all the time".
I've never wanted to hear any of this as I know it's only manipulative, timewasting, avoidance tactics from him but I'm really rather stuck.
I've had some free legal advice from TB's mate but he can't represent me during the case as he's not registered in this particular area or something like that. This means I'd have to pay for my own solicitor and then try and recoup costs from ST (which is highly unlikely as he's a complete snake and his dad can play the system as he's a judge).
I hate the fact that he just tells bare faced lies to me all the time about what he's doing; I'd really rather not know than feel like I'm being patronised when he tries to pull the wool over my eyes.
I wouldn't have been bothered about him going on holiday at all had his last e-mail not been a feeble attempt at covering up the truth saying he needed to get away from all the stress so was going away for a quiet weekend with just one of his mates.
I'm also fuming that he's away, not because he's having a good time, but because he pleads poverty with me and so can't pay me back yet somehow finds the money to go on holiday. That's the bit that's totally galling and utterly infuriating.
I just can't wait for the day when I don't have to think about him anymore. I spend my days quite happily for the majority of the time now but every so often, I hear from him and spend the next few days raging at the injustice of everything.
I have no respect at all for him anymore and just want to rid myself of all the hideous mess that's happened. I was so upset yesterday that I just literally cried on TB's shoulder for about an hour.
I'm so bloody exhausted by it all and ST is just not making it any easier. If he would just pay up the money he owes and agree that in December we can start the divorce off with no other bother then I could just put it all to the back of my mind and get on with things.
Instead, it's just constant delaying tactics and long-windedness which is utterly unbearable.
I relish the days I hear nothing from him and can't wait until he's out of my life for good.
I'm positive that it's been not talking to him since my brother intervened that has meant that I have managed to move on so quickly. Apart from his one phone call the other week, I haven't spoken to him since before I went to Italy - that's over 7 weeks ago. Long may that continue!
Anyway, I'm feeling a bit fed up now as I'm kind of in limbo and am assuming now that I'm never going to see that money. Oh well, if it means I never have to see or hear from ST again then it's a small price to pay.
Am going to nip round to my parents' place now as I feel as if I need a rant and tea and sympathy.
Will update soon with some cheerier stuff
XXXXXXXXXXXX
5 comments:
just thought i would say keep your spirits up and dont let ST grind you down. Get a good solicitor, he or she will be on your side and make sure you get the most you can from him. Dont be intimidated my ST dad.
I am always reading your blog, keep it up!
Devon (YAYW) x
I have followed your story on YAYW and here Emmy, and want to ask a question which might sound rude, but isn't meant to.
Is all the hassle he is causing you now worth continuing with for the sake of £26K. Yes, it is a lot of money, but your sanity and wellbeing are more important than that. You have passed your headship exams, so you have the potential to earn sufficient money to support yourself and start again.
Is it not easier to walk away and leave him to his sad, pathetic little life where he can't hurt you anymore.
Hannabelle x
Keep going, you are nearly there.
Get TB's mate to recommend a good solicitor for you and make sure they are fully aware that ST's dad is a judge.
I can see where Hannabelle is coming from, and part of me is inclined to agree, but the fact remains that he contributed nothing to your life together and you have been left out of pocket. You may not get the full 26k but it is the fact that you will have had your day in court and that his family will have to face up to the fact that their son is a pathetic excuse for a man.
Keep blogging! We're all here rooting for you!
Salsaspin x
I quite agree with Salsaspin. You should definitely get TB's mate to recommend a good solicitor for you. I think that perhaps if you do argue your case then it may help with your self-esteem, and with the whole process of getting over ST (though your most recent blogs suggest you're getting towards seeing him for the completely manipulative w*nker he really is.)
We're all here for you!
Mary xxx
Hi Emmy been following your tales for a while - think you have done really well but I think its time to cut your losses get some legal help and get rid of the git. Close that chapter and get on. Your are incredibly intelligent and great at your job , you've lods of friends and he's an absolute twat.
Liz xx
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