Choosing Jimmy Choos.......

Somebody please get me to a psychiatrist IMMEDIATELY!!!!!

It is official, I have gone completely insane.

Now, get something soft and wrap it around your forehead becuase you are shortly going to be headbutting the screen of your computer in utter frustration; I guarantee it.

As you know, I went to Birmingham yesterday with trainer boy and had an absolutely brilliant day. That boy has got the stamina of a marathon runner when it comes to shopping and my god does he know how to shop!!!!! (We got there at 9am and didn't catch the train back til 7pm!)
He blew over £1200 on clothes for himself and I acted as his personal shopper all day. He'd been complaining that his wardrobe consisted solely of tracksuits and training gear and to be honest, give or take the odd pair of jeans, it's all I've ever really seen him in. He'd decided though that he needed an image overhaul and that I (due to my shopping and fashion addiction) was the right person to accompany him.

Well, after he'd blown over 800 quid in Harvey Nicks and another 200 in selfridges, we went for lunch. Now, where did he take me? The moet bar inside Selfridges where I got very giggly on pink champagne and took loads of photos of myself covered in designer shopping bags underneath the huge moet sign. (God, I'm such a pleb.)

Anyway, (and this is the bit where you will start screaming ladies) we left the Moet bar and I (literally) stumbled into a rack of Jimmy Choo shoes. I was virtually boz eyed with all the champagne and sparkly stilletoes and honestly thought I'd died and gone to heaven. In front of me were scores of beautiful Jimmy Choos and to my right, a huge display of Gina shoes.

Now, TB then said some magic words; just imagine if you can ladies, what your reaction would have been if a gorgeous hunk of a man had siad the following to you as you were drooling over a pair of beautiful shoes that you would happily sell your own Granny for.... He whispered, "You can pick a pair if you like; I'll pay. You can have anything you like".

Do you know what I did?

Guess...

I said, (now wait for it), I said, "It's OK, you save your money".

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't ask me where that came from as I just do not know. Here was a lovely, gorgeous man in front of me with his cash burning a hole in his pocket, offering to buy me Jimmy Choos and I said no!!

He then said, "Well, how about some of those ones, you like pink?" He was referring to the most amazing pair of Gina pink diamante sandals and I said,
"I think pink would look a bit silly going into the winter".
Oh for god's sake.
What on earth was I thinking? And why had I suddenly turned into my ever practical Auntie Pat?

He then said I could have anything I liked from the whole shop and I refused.
I did not have the £1000 Chloe bag, I did not choose a pair of Prada knee high boots, I did not buy a Gucci belt or an Alexander McQueen evening dress.
I chose nothing.
Actually, that's a lie.
I chose to let him buy me a cup of tea downstairs.
A cup of tea.
A cup of sodding tea.
It's official.
I have gone insane.
I need help.

This is further reinforced by the fact I have agreed to make lasagne for 8 people tonight.

I've gone mad. Instead of tottering around on a pair of dream shoes, I'll be up to my eyes in bechamel sauce and wrestling with dried pasta sheets.

Somebody, please alert the appropriate mental health facility. I need sectioning for my own safety.

Oh, but on a lighter note, Supertwat has finally agreed what his 3 counts of unreasonable behaviour are to be for the divorce. Below is a copy of the e-mail I sent to him in response to his request to think of some examples and following it is his wording of the three he's chosen. He's also informed me that he's gone away on a lad's holiday as of today so no doubt he'll be up to his neck in lager and cheap slappers.
He said it was a "quiet week away with the boys". I replied that I doubted it would be two halves of shandy every night and a game of whist.

Let me know what you think of his choices and please feel free to send the community psychiatric team round to my gaff.

My E-mail...

As requested, please find below a list of suggested headings for your "unreasonable behaviour". There are plenty more if you don't want any of these.

1. Falsely accusing me of giving you an STI which was proven by your doctor.

2. Excessive drinking and late nights every weekend which you knew caused me undue anxiety - so much so that I ended up on anti anxiety medication. I repeatedly asked you to let me pick you up from nights out or asked you to come home before 4am which you repeatedly refused to do. Your hangovers/tiredness on the following days meant that we could not do anything together or work on the house which needed doing as you were too hungover. This contributed to my anxiety as I began to worry about the condition of the house and garden and how this would ultimately impact on its value and therefore our financial position.

3. Refusing to sleep with me or give me any sort of physical comfort or attention.

4. Leaving me after only weeks of marriage!!!!!

5. Refusing to come and see me in hospital despite me begging you to come.

6. Driving away from me on my birthday when I asked you to stop and talk to me. (Don't use the excuse that I was shouting - I only got angry when you wouldn't come back; I was crying before this and you still chose to drive away.

7. Disappearing. You would turn your phone off or disappear and I would not know where you were or when you were coming back. e.g the night you said you were staying at your parents' but then were out with "work friends" until 3.30am whilst I was being looked after by my mum as I was so upset.

8. Lying to my parents. You stood in their kitchen and promised both of them faithfully that you loved me and wanted to make the marriage work. They were so worried about how anxious I had become and the fact I was having panic attacks by this time. They begged you to help me and look after me that day and you said you would. Instead you went to a rugby match. You promised them you would take me out for a meal that night at 5.30pm to try and sort things out and make me feel better; they even lent you the money to do it. You were 2 hours late returning, very drunk (having spent dad's money) and uncommunicative. You had even arranged it so that we would not be alone! You also drove me to the restaurant whilst drunk.

9. Not contributing to the upkeep of the house. I had to employ a cleaner because I couldn't cope with my job, studying for my headship exams, planning the wedding and doing all of the cooking, shopping, cleaning and washing. I begged you to help me and even tried timetables, lists or just asking nicely. You never helped out and this contributed significantly to my stress levels as I was trying to juggle everything and you were totally unhelpful. You also never had money to put towards anything in the house but were squirreling money away in your drawer and always found money for nights out with your mates and expensive taxis home.

10. Aggresive behaviour. When you were drunk you would repeatedly shout at me or punch and smash the furniture. You have damaged beyond repair an antique chest of drawers and the shower screen.

Regards
Your wife


He replied....

Having read your email and suggestions with regard to points to note on a divorce petition and spoken to my Dad about wording, the following three points are worded in a suitable way to present to a judge on a petition.

1. The respondent at times drank excessively and was out late at night socialising but not with the petitioner which caused the petitioner concern and distress.

2. The respondent did not contribute sufficiently to the physical upkeep of the house causing the petitioner distress.

3. By March 2008 the respondent ceased to show the petitioner suitable physical comfort or affection which was upsetting to the petitioner and put strain on the relationship and in April 2008 left the marital home and has not returned.


I think he's chosen the cowards way out and is it just me or does it make me sound like I was somehow in the wrong????


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