The worst thing in the world has happened to me...

Oh my goodness me, I think I may never recover from this one. Something far more traumatic than anything Supertwat has done to me recently has happened. I had to have lie down and almost a full blown panic attack after I realised.
I have lost my sodding make up bag!!!!!

I know I had it yesterday morning but I hadn't got it when I got to work. I assumed I'd left it at home so had a look there when I got back but no luck! The damn thing has disappeared off the face of the earth in some sort of cosmetic twilight zone. Not only did it leave me with a hideous panic this morning but also a dent in my wallet as it was full of the flippin chanel make up I bought the other week. Bum!!!

So, after a mild nervous breakdown over my vanity mirror, I managed to make myself look less like "child of Shrek" and more like a human by cobbling together gunky old mascaras and a cracked old blusher I found at the back of my knicker drawer.

I then had to dash down to the local shopping centre to replenish my stocks. I was considering phoning the local constabulary to give me a police escort as I was tempted to drive like a manaic to get there and felt like I'd need some high speed coppers to flank me so that I didn't endanger the public.

However, once I got to the shopping centre, I found that I had my usual problem. I found that trying to keep my credit card in my handbag was like trying to keep a rabid rottweiler on a lead. It unfortunately (and despite my best efforts) escaped from my bag and I became the owner of some 3/4 trousers, a new jacket, some hotpants, two tops and a pair of silver shoes as well as all my make up. I said a quick prayer to Visa, (the god of shopping) to ensure that my next bill did not induce a heart attack and dashed off into town to meet my mates.

I met them and gossiped so much I almost had lockjaw as I hadn't seen one of them since before the telly chucking incident and she was thrilled to see how much better I was looking and agreed with another one of my mates that whatever I was doing at the moment was definitley agreeing with me. I drank so much fruit tea it was almost coming out of my eyes but forgot to eat (again) so am currently stuffing my face as we speak with loads of lovely M&S salad stuff - mmmmmmmm. (Oh, and yes, I did say "fruit tea" and not "gin" for those of you who think you're seeing things! Trainer boy seems to be having a very good influence on me...)

I've also been thinking about another lovely but completely random evening I had with trainer boy on Thursday. he came round and we went running at yet another local beauty spot (I am definitely thinking of writing some sort of rambling/dating guide book) and I tried not to look too shattered (I had already been for a run when I got in from work as I forgot I'd agreed to go running and thought we were going to the pub!) I sweated and gasped my way up hill after hill and tried to engage trainer boy in witty banter whilst trying not to engage my ankle in any rabbit holes.

We ran to the top of the highest point in our county and sat on the top of a monument whilst we got our breath back. I was heaving and sweating like a WWF wrestler but trainer boy just looked mildly flushed and was raring to go again. It was then that I almost screamed with shock. Had he just declared undying love? No. Had I twisted my ankle in a rabbit hole? No. A massive stag had appeared from nowhere and we were apparently on his territory.

It came charging towards us and trainer boy hauled me off the monument and pushed me down towards the way we had just come. I was hurtling down a hill and trying not to lose my footing in the bracken and rubble whilst trainer boy was busy fighting off a rather annoyed stag. (Actually he wasn't; he was ambling rather slowly behind me and casting furtive glances back up at the stag who was making a kind of roaring noise by the monument which was spurring my little legs on faster than they'd ever moved but which was making trainer boy just about die laughing.) I then felt a strange prodding in my back and squealed like mad, only to find it was trainer boy bent double and pretending to butt me. Swine.

We ended up completely shattered and back at the car and I was so exhausted I just had to lie back on the front seat for a few minutes. It's not often I do two runs in one day as well as being chased by territorial stags. Trainer boy also lay back and was killing himself laughing. He was just about to put the car lights on (it was getting dark by now) when we noticed another car in the car park flashing its lights at us. I just ignored it as I was too busy trying not to bring up a lung but trainer boy was getting a bit twitchy.

He was really surprised then, as was I, when someone knocked on our window. It was a guy of about 40 who was dressed in a muscle vest and tight jeans. He didn't look like he was out jogging or dog walking so I was a little peturbed. Trainer boy leapt out of the car and asked what the guy wanted whilst I cowered in the passenger seat. The bloke and trainer boy had a little bit of an interchange but I couldn't hear what they were saying as the door was shut but trainer boy looked really peed off about something. He jumped back in the car and we tore off out of the car park before I'd even had a chance to put my seat belt on. Trainer boy then started killing himself laughing again and said "What sort of bloody place did you take me to?" I was completely oblivious to what he was going on about but he went on to say, "first you make me run up a mountain, then you get us chased by a bloody stag and as well as this you've made us park in a car park which people use for dogging!".

I nearly died.

Apparently the area of the car park we were using is notorious for doggers and as we'd spent so long escaping from the stag, it was quite dark when we got back. In that time, the usual joggers and people pushing buggies had disappeared and been replaced by the local sexual delinquents and perverts. So, I had surpassed myself again by inviting a young man into my world but inadvertently almost having him involved in a rather unwelcome foursome in the back of a stranger's Vauxhall Astra. Remind me again why I'm single?

Anyway, we ended up in the pub after all and I ensured that the sales of Pinot Grigio Blush remained high whilst trainer boy tucked into a very healthy diet coke. I thought we were having a lovely time until a group of ladies came in. Now, short of having holes bored into my skull with a laser gun, i could not have felt more uncomfortable. My mum's WI group had come in for their post-meeting sherries and seemed to flank me on every side whilst boring their eyes into my skull. I knew then that my "date" would now probably grace the front page of our village newsletter with such a headline as "Local drunken and abandoned girl dates muscle bound mystery stranger". So, I slinked out, which is not actually as easy at it sounds when your calves feel like they have been clobbered with a lump hammer and you're severely dehydrated with only 3 large glasses of rose in your system. In my haste to get out I ended up stubbing my toe on the exit stairs and stumbling out of the double doors to the synchronised tutting of the WI. Marvellous.

I'm now just about to go out again as I stayed in last night as I was shattered. I actually thought I'd woken up in a parallel universe this morning as it was Saturday and I hadn't got a hangover! I even managed a run before 10am instead of my usual sprint to the loo to throw up. things are looking up!

Anyway, really looking forward to tomorrow as my parents are back from holiday. I've really missed them and although my brother and my mates have been lovely, I just need a hug from my mum and dad. So, going to write my dad a Father's day card to say thanks to him for being such a fab dad and to say sorry for being such a crap daughter over the last few months. I'm determined to get my life back on track ASAP because I want to prove to my parents that I'm strong and brave. I feel like I've got stablisers on the bike of my life at the moment and I want to prove to them that I can ride this little rocky road by myself without them being worried that I'm going to wobble and fall off again.

Thanks so much for all your lovely comments. I was very shocked by "anonymous'" comments but I've tried to put them to the back of my mind although I did have a long chat to trainer boy about them and he put my mind at rest about a lot of things.

Hope the weddings this weekend went well - it's been beautiful here and I was sending lots of happy wedding vibes to all the brides today.

Keep the comments coming ladies - I love to hear from you.

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