Supertwat returns.....

A face like a beetroot is never a good look.

I have just spent the last 6 hours in hell, gently roasting my face whilst my eardrums are shattered by bielzibub’s miniature army of 300.
I am physically exhausted, mentally drained and emotionally wrecked.
Now, I bet you think I must have had a run in with Supertwat? You’re wrong.

I have spent the last 6 hours on a roasting hot but windswept field at a football festival for three hundred screaming eleven year olds at our local college.
We have spent the last 2 weeks making the flags of our drawn country (Greece) so I’ve been up to my eyelids in blue poster paint for the last fortnight as well as listening to Zorba the Greek until my ears almost bled.

I was quite looking forward to the tournament as I thought we had a relatively good chance of winning. This was until 4 of our best players decided to take a term time holiday and until the absolute miniature Ronaldo of the school rocked up this morning on crutches after falling off a scooter last night.
This left us with a team that was more than a little lacking in both talent and, as it transpired, any common sense at all. (Who, for god’s sake, runs onto the pitch still wearing their coat and rucksack???!!!!!!)

Anyway, despite a stirling effort from our supporters, we didn’t manage to muster a single win out of 6 matches, although we did score a couple of fantastic goals – just a shame one of them was a very painful ricochet off the face of one of our players.
Another was celebrated in such style by our striker that he missed the whistle blowing again and so was still lying face down on the ground with his shirt over his head when the game had resumed and so got trampled on by two members of the opposition. He spent the rest of the match clutching an ice pack to his back whilst one of our teaching assistants tried to get the footprints off his top.

I also had to navigate the rather extraordinary situation where, as we were due to get back on the bus, one of the college students started to blow up condoms. My class, only being eleven, were shouting “Look at the balloons!” whilst the college students chucked them down towards our bus. This meant that I had to gather them up and pop them before the kids could get to them, so got on the bus covered in horrible condom slime and stinking of latex. Another delightful day in the life of a primary school teacher.

I’m currently at my desk in the relative peace of my office and am trying to cool my sun/windburn as well as down a few paracetamol so that I can face the hideous evening I have ahead of me.

Since I last “blogged”, quite a lot has happened with Supertwat.
I tried to contact him all last week to start thinking about the judicial separation as we can’t get divorced until after a year has elapsed and we don’t qualify for an annulment. He has ignored all calls and texts (I’ve tried both, twice a day) and I have sent the same e-mail every day asking for him to get in touch. I finally cracked on Sunday (11 days after I started asking him) and phoned his parents’ house. His mum answered and I asked her if I could just leave a message.
She said she was “too busy to take a message as I’m cooking at the moment”. I’d just like to point out here that she was only preparing a family meal and not providing a six course banquet for the Duchess of Kent. I said that it would only take one minute and could she pass on the fact that I needed the certificate back, I was going to start judicial separation proceedings on 23rd June and I was going to e-mail both her and supertwat the spreadsheet that shows exactly why he owes me 13K.. I said that I didn’t want to do all this without a conversation but that he had been avoiding me. She said that he was very busy.

I almost throttled her down the phone. Her son has left me, taken my life savings, received court summons, been taking drugs and all I wanted was to inform them politely about the actions I was going to take and she said he’s too busy to think about them and she’s too busy to take a message as she’s cooking- I could have garrotted her with a fish slice.

Eventually, later that day, Supertwat rang me and I explained why I needed the certificate and my intentions to start proceedings as well as send him a bill. He just kept saying that he wanted to be friends and he never meant to hurt me.

I was soooooo angry when I was hearing this. How did he think the following wouldn’t hurt me….

1. Calling me “an animal” when I started getting panic attacks.
2. Owing me 13K
3. Leaving me after 4 months of marriage
4. Admitting he didn’t want to get married in the first place
5. Refusing to come and see me in hospital when my brother told him I may not even make it through the night
6. Accruing court summons and debts like they were football stickers
7. Smashing my furniture up
8. Refusing any counselling or marriage guidance
9. Calling me an emotional bully

I almost exploded with rage but I just said calmly,

“I have enough friends thank you and regardless of whether or not you intended to hurt me, you have done.
You have also hurt my family and my closest friends more than you will ever be able to comprehend. I will never be the same trusting, open hearted person again as you have sown seeds of doubt, insecurity and untrustworthiness in others in my head.
You have caused so much hurt and damage that nothing you can say will ever make up for it.
One day, you’ll realise what a terrible thing it is that you’ve done. You’ve torn a swathe of poison through my family and when they should be planning my brother’s wedding, they almost had to plan my funeral. I hope you can live with yourself because you have behaved like a coward, a bully, a selfish little boy and a complete cad. You have taken my future, my faith in people as well as my life savings. I hope you are happy. I don’t want to talk to you any more. I think we should establish a mutually agreeable weekly time when we can talk about the legal or financial arrangements and I will do this on speakerphone with my dad. I want to be completely disassociated financially, emotionally and legally from you as soon as possible. You ruined my life and completely broke me and I want to get away from you as soon as possible so that I can move on”.

Well, this little speech was received with a dumbstruck silence. He waited for ages and then just said, “I miss you so much; I miss talking to you”. I told him it was his choice to walk away and that both he and I had plenty of friends to chat to.

We ended the conversation and I thought I’d heard the last from him but today I got a text that said, “Despite all of this, you are still my best friend and I miss you. I’ll call you later on today”.

OH NO HE BLOODY WON’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What the hell is he playing at ladies???? He made me cry when he sent that one today and I had to pretend to the kids I had a fly in my eye. (I was actually very convincing – Bafta nominations please!!)

I forwarded it on to my best mate and my family and they are absolutely livid. I’m just starting to get back on my feet again and he’s messing with my head. Shithead.

So, he’ll no doubt call tonight but there’s no way I’m going to have some long drawn out chat with him. If he wants to discuss legalities then fine, but I’m not having him scoop out my brain, mash it all up again, stamp on it and then squidge it back into my skull.

On a lighter note though – I have a new telly!!!!!!! Got one off e-bay on trainer boy’s recommendation and we went to pick it up yesterday. It’s amazing!!!! Trainer boy set it all up for me and then we went for another walk/run. I took him to a local reservoir this time (yes, another local beauty spot – I think he thinks I’m the secret daughter of John Craven from “countryfile”)
We were having a lovely run until we ran into a massive cloud of midges. It was utterly thick and black and the damn things seemed to see us as their dinner and we got eaten alive. We had to leg it back up the hill, spitting small insects out as we went and me apologising profusely for taking him to exercise in somewhere not dissimilar to plague of locusts.

We kind of gave up on the run and he took me for something to eat at my local pub. I leapt into another Pinot Grigio bottle and trainer boy had his usual diet coke. We ended up back at my house with him watching the footy and me fast asleep on the sofa. (Pinot really is a fabulous sedative)
I woke up to find that he had put my head in his lap and was he was happily swigging a cup of tea that he’d made himself. Now, I momentarily thought “Woooooaaahhhhh, this is a bit much” but it was so lovely to just be close to someone again who didn’t flinch (like supertwat did in the final weeks) that I just closed my eyes again and dozed in his lap. He must have let himself out though as I woke up to find a note on my coffee table.

“Got to go as have an early start tomorrow; sleep well supergirl and don’t let that twat wreck your head. You’re doing so well. Focus on the positives and remember that you’re beautiful – even when you’re covered in flies.”

Bless him, he even thought my supergirl t-shirt was cute!

Anyway, he texted me this morning to say that he had had another lovely time and that he would come and train me again on Thursday. I am beginning to realise that although my confidence it shot to pieces and I don’t want another boyfriend until I’ve built it back up by myself, trainer boy really is helping to stretch those confidence muscles and flex that self esteem – what a star.

Anyway, am off home now to try and reduce the scarlet shade my face has gone and to watch my lovely new flatscreen telly. I can also watch all the girly crap I want to now and I will never again have to sit through “Top Gear” – Yay!!!!!!!!

So, here’s to “Ten years younger”, “How to look good naked”, “Come dine with me” and “What not to wear”! Woooooohooooooo!!!!!

Catch up with you all again soon.
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