Cupid's arrow and the battle of Hastings...

Well, today has been a much better day today. Forced myself into work and my goodness me am I glad I did!!!!!

Got into work and sat with my boss rehashing the events of the wedding we attended as a staff the other weekend. I was howling at the story about how my mate threw someone's shoes off the balcony after tripping over them on the landing about three times, only to find out they belonged to one of the bridesmaids!

I was also horrified to hear that apparently I had tried to lead tiger boy into both the kitchens (which were full of teens doing the washing up) and then into a cupboard full of flannels in a vain attempt to chat him up out of the view of my workmates! Turns out they were all killing themselves laughing at me as I was doing this in front of a set of glass doors so wasn't exactly discreet! Aaaaah, I am so smooth; heaven only knows why I'm single...

I still haven't solved the mystery of my shoe though and my mate has no idea why the hotel manager got so angry when she was found asleep on a pile of sheets in the laundry cupboard. Moral of the story - free bars are baaaaaaaad!!!!!

Anyway, arrived at school today to find I had a new girl starting in my class and she was absolutely delightful, really shy to start with but my lovely kids were so nice to her and she was grinning and really happy by the end of the day. I was so proud of my class for being so nice - I must have taught them something good- not bad for an "emotional bully" I thought to myself.

Also, completely forgot that I was being observed all morning by a teacher from another school as part of her development. Now, despite one of my class asking me if Dick Turpin was gay in the middle of my Literacy lesson, the observations went really well and she was so grateful for the help I gave her. So, I stored that little bit of loveliness in my, "Sod you Supertwat, I am not a horrible person" part of my brain and started to prepare for the afternoon rehearsals of our end of year production.

Now, it's not often that one is required to coordinate a hundred kids in a musical interpretation of the Battle of Hastings singlehandedly but this was my life this afternoon. In between shouting such classics as "Do you really think a Norman soldier would skid across the battlefield on a pair of Heelies with his hands in his pockets?" and "Why have you wedged your script down the back of the piano?" and "A Glockenspiel is not designed for that..." I found myself trying to choreograph the scene where King Harold gets the arrow in his eye through the medium of dance.

I was therefore gripping a tattered script between my teeth whilst pretending to be a six foot Norman solider and dancing with an imaginary arrow and quiver. This was all done in a pair of red kitten heels and a beige suit. I can again only imagine the reasons why I'm single; I would think that any man on earth would be hard pressed to resist a woman masquerading as a bloodthirsty thousand year old killing machine brandishing arrows to blind people whilst dancing in a suit.

After collapsing in a post-performance heap I was joined in my office by the head and our local police officer. For the sake of argument, we'll call him PC Perv as he once told me a hideous story about a public toilet, someone's scrotum and a bootlace that has haunted me for over three years...
PC Perv started asking me about my new Merc I was planning to buy and asked if my new husband was "minted". I told him to sod off as I thought he knew about all my problems. Turned out he didn't. Had to then retell the whole story and at the end he said "If you want, i can get someone to warn him off calling you so many names and get him to stay away from you?"
I said that that wasn't necessary but if the police could turn a blind eye whilst I whacked ex in the family jewels with a heavy based vase from our table centres then that would be lovely!
PC Perv was actually really kind and he only lives up the road from me in our little village so he said that he's make sure that the local squad cars kept an extra special eye on me and my house now that I was living on my own - bless him!

After school I came straight back to my parents and was very excited because a guy that I've been e-mailing has sent me some really lovely messages. For the sake of argument we'll call him scuba man as he loves diving. He's gorgeous, 34 and very very very funny. Not only that but he loves Gin!!!! Wahey!!!! We had a rather interesting conversation about what fruit we liked in our gin and he suggested lemon, I said lime, he then asked if I had every tried celery, I replied that I hadn't but that radish was considered an avant garde addition but to steer clear of bananas.

Have actually got a few butterflies about scuba boy which is a bit odd considering my current situatin. However, he makes me laugh so much that I have tears running down my face and it's not often that a bloke makes me laugh out loud. I've been a bit spoiled because my dad is hilarious so every other bloke is a hard act to follow. Come to think of it, ex never once made me laugh - funny that isn't it??????

Anyway, I'm off home now to go for a bit of a run and pick up some more stuff before heading back to my parents to continue my e-mail conversations with scuba boy. Trainer boy is coming round on Thursday to punish me with my new workout and action geek rang me for ages to tell me about his Pirates of Poole and Southampton antics which made me laugh.
Oh, and ex rang me tonight to tell me he can't come round to bring me our wedding certificate this week as he has to trim his mum's hedge. Is it only me who thinks that sounds a bit odd??

Off then to see if cupid's arrow flies this way from one of the lovely blokes who are melting my phone and whether PC Perv has policed my house satisfactorily!!

Thanks again for reading. MrsPP2B tells me that there's a thread started by Mitzimoo on YAYW so a big thank you to her. I truly love hearing from everyone on here.
Oh, and spread the word to others that I'm this corner of cyberspace - I'm a little bit lonely!!!

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