magnets, speeding tickets and thermal knickers

I am so hot and bothered! Just finished presenting on a course for teachers new to Year 6 about how to teach Science and I'm so flippin shattered. Was in the pub with a colleague from another school last night, planning what we were going to say and didn't get away until after 10pm. It's amazing how you can waste 5 hours talking about the best way to teach magnetism or effective ways in with early chemistry. I will never recover from my (male colleague) asking me if I'd like to see his probe! (He was referring to a data logging piece of classroom technology but needless to say, I almost inhaled my J20) I was my usual elegant self and managed to knock over a terracotta pot of cutlery all over the slate tiled floor as I didn't see it behind my laptop. There is nothing louder (except maybe a jet engine) than 20 knives and forks dropping of a table onto a stone floor in a huge half empty pub. I do believe it was a perfect demonstration of number 20 in my "book of professional gaffes" - when meeting colleagues for discussions, try to avoid lobbing the cutlery around.

So, got in last night and was so shattered I actually fell asleep in my suit and coat. I'd worked all day then led the staff meeting then met my colleague then had to drive home and it was still so flippin arctic in my house that I didn't dare strip off to get my PJs on for fear of frostbite on my nethers. So, I ended up falling into bed without any dinner in my school suit, still with my handbag on my shoulder.
I woke up this morning thinking I had some sort of strange skin disease until i realised I had slept on my hairbrush which had fallen out of my bag. It is not nice to wake up to look as if someone's whacked you round the chops with a blunt cheese grater and even more unpleasant to find 24 hour old pop socks still on your feet. There is something truly vile about those things but I am yet to find my way round the whole shoe-bare foot-winter dilemma. Any suggestions for something a little less Nora Batty gratefully received.

Anyway, after realising I had bread but no butter and milk but no cereal, I had a very healthy kit kat for breakfast and dashed into school. I wasn't teaching yesterday as it was my management day and I found a list about a foot long of all the little darlings in my class who had been less than perfect that I now had to deal with. This leads me nicely into my top tip for today... Never, and i mean never, invite 8 "not so little" 11 year old boys into your far too hot office which is the opposite of the tardis (looks like a reasonable size but a dormouse would be claustrophobic in it). I almost fainted from "eau de armpit" and "trainer fust". I love the little angels but sometimes, after a vigorous game of early morning football, the boys are not so much "lynx effect" and more "melt your lungs effect". Ah, bless their little grubby cotton socks!

After dealing with the boys and the "mystery of the disappearing wasps' nest" (a child had brought dried out wasps' nest for show and tell and it had vanished without a trace) I finished doing all the copying for my course and just had time to dash to Tesco to try and remedy my breakfast problem before I was due to speak. I was just putting some stuff in my trolley when some lunatic grabbed me round the throat! I was about to launch into my best kung-fu moves when I realised it was my bloomin mother! By coincidence she was also in there and had spotted me and thought it was funny to creep up behind me. It was very difficult explaining my language to the poor bemused single dad with twins in his trolley - my mum's very good at getting me into trouble.

When I'd finally done my shopping I realised I needed some petrol so had to go a different way to the course. I'd normally have gone on the back roads but needed to go to the garage to fill up so had to go a different way. Mistake. I got flashed by the polic for speeding. I also don't think the excuse of "I didn't see the speed limit sign, I was trying to eat a chicken and sweetcorn snadwich as I only had a kit kat for breakfast and I'm still in shock from my mother trying to throttle me in tesco" would have gone down very well. Oh well, I've gone from Nigella Lawson to Nigel Mansell in only a few short months!

I delivered my course and it seemed to go OK. My colleague was hilarious and had the room in stitches - he's a really talented guy and it was really good to work alongside him. We agreed that we'd be a double act with one serious one and one daft one but we decided that as we're not that professional all the time that we'd be less "Laurel and Hardy" and more "Les Dennis and Dustin Gee" (God I'm showing my age now!)
However, I'm home now and I'm exhausted again. Meant to be meeting my mate for drinks later and then Tom after that but all I really want to do is peel off my pop socks (clean ones - not yesterday's!) and fall into bed again. Oh, I'm so rock and roll; others dream of a wanton life of debauchery, I just dream of a house that's warm enough to not see your breath in the front room and the opportunity for an early night and a rest.

Anyway, I'm going to sign off for now and go and get a cup of tea and a nice biscuit. I'm also going to try on the new suit I bought from Tesco - it's flippin lovely; it's dark blue fitted jacket and an a line mini skirt. It's very "chanel" and I'm hoping it'll make me look all sophisticated in front of Tom as the last time he saw me I was wearing pjyamas under a tracksuit with a bobble hat and fleece slippers - I told you my house was cold.

Right, I'm off to hunt for some thermal knickers for under my new suit and i'll update again soon.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX