Now, this is a pretty tough decision I think. But, I reckon I'm going to wind up this blog for now. It's been immensely therapeutic over the last few months and I've copied and pasted all the comments (good and bad) and have them in a file in my laptop to read whenever I feel like the world has gone mad.
However, I'm finding that my days are almost full to bursting at the minute. I'm run off my feet at work, I'm training hard, going out much more and finally seem to have reached some sort of truce with ST.
I've received some of the money he owes me back now and have decided that money is not worth the stress of what he's been putting me through so am not going to pursue him for the rest of it anymore. We will begin divorce proceedings in December and hopefully by June I can revert to my old name and be free of him forever.
TB has been a tower of strength and I'm the first one to realise that. My confidence is getting back on track and I feel almost back to my old self again; this I know has been down to a huge amount of support on his part. However, he's always known that for a long time I was still in love with ST and have only recently got over the shock of losing my husband and begun to rebuild my life. He's always maintained that he's glad I've always been so honest with him about everything and that he's still glad we're friends.
What's happened to me over the last 8 months has been truly horrific and I have genuinely been to hell and back. I barely recognise the girl that ended up in the back of that ambulance or the one who had to move back in with her parents and out of her own home as she was so crushed.
I've passed my headship qualifications and my career is going from strength to strength - in fact I'm just taking a break from writing a presentation for a national conference next week on excellence in teaching and learning.
However, every time I log on here, I read the headings from previous posts and it serves as rather a sore reminder of everything that's happened. I'm not trying to deny what has happened, or sweep it under the carpet, but I don't think it's particularly healthy to revisit it all of the time now.
My house is on the market and I'm busy showing buyers round so hopefully I'll be off to pastures new fairly soon too.
I will never be able to express in words how much people's comments have meant to me. I have kept the cards and letters some of you sent to me; they're in my bedside drawer and I often read them and think of how lovely it is that the world has some genuninely lovely, kind people in it who took the time to support someone who was at their lowest ebb, even though it was someone they'd never met. I'll never throw those things away as they'll remind me that however shitty things get, there's always someone out there who's kind and will help you to pick yourself up again. They've also changed the way I treat people too and I know that, rather bizarrely, all of this has made me a lot more open and supportive towards people - in fact, a much better person. They say though don't they that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm not sure why I was dealt such a crappy hand but I know that since everything happened, it's brought my family and friends closer and made me see how lucky I am.
I still may pop on here now and again to update with odd bits and pieces but at the moment I need to unfurl my wings again, dust them off and try and fly away. I've spent too long in a very dark, bad place and it's taken so much love and support from my family and friends to get me back on my feet again that I feel I'd be doing them a disservice if I didn't try and close the door on this chapter of my life and begin a new one.
So, I guess it's goodbye for now. Pop in now and then and I'll have posted something on, I'm sure. But, until then, thank you so much for driving with me down my rocky little road. I reckon I'm not lost on it anymore and can now see a few lights up ahead so I guess I know my own way from here. Thanks so much for helping me. Speak soon.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
P.S I'm not sure if the e-mail address for this blog pops up for people but if you want to e-mail me directly then you can at the following address arockylittleroad@yahoo.co.uk I promise I'll reply to anyone who e-mails. XXXX
21 comments:
All the very best Emmy. I think the road will be a lot smoother from now on in. xxxxx
Emmy,
I am sorry you are ending your blog, but can understand why. Well done for moving forwards and upwards with your life, your career and putting the past behind you. You really are an amazing person who deserves real happiness and I am sure you will find it somewhere on your rocky road.
Please do email me if you ever want to get in touch and until next time...goodbye and good luck.
Much love
Joey x
Hi Emmy,
I followed your story on YAYW and then on here, I wish you al the very best for the future, you deserve the very best in life. i will carry on to check here to see if you have posted as I really enjoy the way you write and express yourself. Take care, have fun and don't let ST hurt you anymore.
All the best
Lilmissbride
Dear Emmy,
I'm so happy that ur feeling a lot more positive! and back to ur old self!
You have shown so much strength in the last 8 months, and even tho i dont know you, i'm really proud of how u've dealt with it!
All the best with the future.
Diddums xx
Good for you Emmy, I think you're doing the right thing in moving on.
P.S You can change your name back whenever you like, you don't have to wait until the divorce goes through!
Hi Emmy,
I will miss reading your humourous accounts but completely understand why you are ending your blog, please keep us updated on how you're doing.
Willow xx
oh i will miss your blog - but wish you all the best hun
please do keep us updated from time to time
love lizzie x (YAYW)
You are an amazing woman! Well done!
Good luck with everything!
Lisared (YAYW)
Hi Emmy
It will be a shame not to have so many entries to read, but its a good sign that you want to move on from this place.
You deserve so much happiness in your life, and I am sure you will get it.
Good luck for the future honey ((hugs))
Jo xxxxx
Oh Emmy,both your blog and your threads on YAYW had me crying tears of laughter and sorrow in equal measure! You really are an incredible woman and your personality always shone through even in the hard times.
I truly hope that you find the happiness you deserve,whether it's army boy or someone else!
All my love
K (spittingfairy) xxxxx
Emmy, for me...I'm gutted that you're ending this blog. I've never been hooked on anything like this before, you are a talented woman, an amazing writer and you have had me in stitches and tears alike.
For you...I couldn't be happier. Deciding to end this blog is the right thing to do. In some ways I could see it happening, you've been posting less because you are busy in your own life, and that's a sue sign that you are moving on. This blog has helped you to recover, and I don't think you need it anymore. Although, we are all still here, anytime you want to have a little moan or tell us something about your world. We all think you're fab, and I speak for everyone when I say you really are an inspiration. Chin up girl, keep smiling xxxxxx Cazinski
good riddance. I take it you have enough material for your book now.
Emmy,
I so glad for you that you feel strong enough to end your blog. It's been a priviledge to read it and to be party to your feelings.
You are such a strong person and we all know that you will be back on top very soon.
Let's hope that the only Rocky Road that you have for a while comes from Starbucks in chocolate form!
Sending you lots of love and positive vibes for the future and looking forward to hearing that you are Headteacher, with a man that loves you for who you are, living in a new house with all of your wonderful friends and family still close to you.
Bye for now,
clairabelle xxx
Ignore what anonymous said, however would be fab if you have enough material to write a book! Have been following this blog since it has started and it has really captivated me. Can understand completely why you are deciding to end this however we all wish you the best of luck in everything you do xxx
Hi Emmy, its Mitzimoo. I will be sad not to read your blog anymore but im really happy for you for the steps and progress you have made.
I think your right to end your blog, its a sign of how much your life has moved on since you began it. You really should be proud of the progress you have made in your life.
Im glad you were able to get some money back and are now undergoing your divorce proceedings therefore soon, ST will be out of your life and you can be free of his manipulative and childish ways.
Im glad you've had to TB in your life, he defineltly be a strength to you and i think he's pretty much known for a while that nothing would happen everyone knows if nothing happens early on you move into the friend zone and once your there, there usually isnt anyway out. You've always said to him all the way through that you would only be friends and he accepted that. Im glad he will continue to be part of your life and will continue to support you and be your friend, what a sweetie.
Im also glad you met army boy, if only for the reason that he has shown you that feelings like that, the spark and excitment and having loving etc feelings for someone else after ST is possible and can happen, and it will in time.
Good luck with your possible position as acting as or being head if your headteacher leaves, you can do it. It will give you such confidence too.
I think selling your house is a good idea too, it sounds like such a lovely house but it will always be filled with the ghosts of the past and therefore you need a new house for a new start.
I really hope you pop back on to let us know how you are getting on and if you write that book let us know, would love to buy it.
So goodbye and good luck and thankyou for sharing your experience with us.
Take care
Mitzimoo (Debbie)
I too have followed your story from YAYW. I have only commented once before but I have read your posts regularly and i think you have an amazing spirit. I hope you have a wonderful life and I understand completely that this is another chapter that has come to an end. Some days I cried with sorrow with and others with laughter. You certainly have brightened up many of my days even though you yourself have been having an awful time.
I wish you the best of luck for your future and what ever may happen with AB, TB or ST i hope you find happiness for yourself. you have become like a friend to me in a strange kind of way and I will miss you (strange hey seeing as i've never met you.. not in a stalker way though!!)
Good luck with your future and I hope you do pop back from time to time just to say that life is great (or crap, if thats the case) it will be great to see how you're going. You've come a really long way and you should be really proud of yourself.
Sending best wishes to all your family, especially your mum she sounds fab
All the best
Kelly xx
Ran out of made up scenarios to blog about? Your blog was SO obviously full of embellishments that it could never be taken seriously for any prolonged period of time.
You're a writer, yes, but it seems sad that you have to fill a day to day blog with what is clearly fiction a lot of the time!
You come across as rather big headed, and extremely unlikeable - to me anyway! And your husband it would seem...
Rebecca you disgust me, no one asked you to come on here and read the blog, if you dont have anything nice or constructive to say dont bloody say anything at all. How can you sit and judge a persons life that you have no comprehension of. I think you are a sad individual coming on here and trying to put someone down who has shown the incredible strength to pick herself back up after such a difficult period of her life. No one can possibly imagine that kind or heartache and you are pretty sick to think someone would.
Emmy i hope you dont take any notice of her and continue to move from strength to strength i wish you all the best in the rest of your life. Take care. I really will miss reading you blog xx
Mitzimoo (Debbie)
For the record, I did NOT say that the main events in her life recently (ie. her husband leaving etc) are lies. I believe that. What I do NOT believe, is that someone with such intelligence would find herself in the ridiculous and quite obviously ficticious circumstances that she blogs about so often. I don't believe half of the 'hideously embarassing stories' are anything other than just stories. But she's aiming to write a book, so that's to be expected!
Who are YOU to tell me that I have no right to comment on her blog? Why do YOU have that right, yet I don't - just because I have a different opinion to you?
I've enjoyed reading her blog when I'm bored, but I see it for what it clearly is - a few real 'tragic' experiences bulked out by unbelievable, ridiculous stories.
Emma, the way you talk about yourself is quite off putting *in my opinion*. If I'm the only one to think this way (which I think would be a naive thing to believe just because most people are constantly 'bigging you up') then that's fine.
I can hardly see where I've said anything tremendously offensive? The fact that your Mum has apparently cried over my words would suggest she's incredibly over-sensitive. After all, the only thing I said was that I don't believe a LOT of what you've written, and that I find you unlikeable which obviously your husband does too. The latter part is the truth, is it not?
If you don't want replies that aren't solely "you're wonderful, you're so funny etc" then perhaps you should specify that in the part of your blog where you practically beg for comments.
Totally agree with Rebecca.
yup, totally with you Rebecca. No-one's calling you a liar Emmy, however to insult our intelligence by thinking we'd believe all the over the top situations you find yourself in is ridiculous. Your accounts are full of contradictions and so obviously extravagantly embellished.
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