There's just no hope for me.....

Woke up with the best of intentions - a run, followed by a healthy breakfast, followed by laundering my sheets and making the house smell like lenor and furniture polish. However, things went a little awry.
Went out for dinner last night and ended up three large dry white wines further away from my teetotal status and as these were before I even ate, then I was convinced that someone had swapped my legs for those of a new born deer. It was like bambi on ice when I tried to go to the loo and I staggered blindly across the restuarant and ricocheted off virtually every table on the way.
Things got even worse when I got into the taxi and somehow slipped and managed to knock off the indicator cover and then step on it and smash it to smithereens. It is no use trying to explain to an irate taxi driver that you "just don't know how it happened" and that you will "glue it back together again" if he would wait outside your house but not with the meter running.
So, this morning I had a bit of a bad head (why did I think that a glass of sherry from a crusty old bottle I found at the back of the kitchen cupboard would be the height of sophistication at midnight last night?)
A friend of mine, who is a personal trainer, phoned me this morning and apparently spoke to someone who he thought sounded like a cross between captain caveman and mariella frostrup so hung up on me. He then called back a few minutes later when he realised it was Saturday morning and therefore the growling, croaking, rambling mess on the end of the line was most probably likely to be me.
He tried to convice me to get out of my pyjamas and out running but I convinced him that I was off to do a five mile power walk and some light weights instead. (He doesn't have to know that what I meant was that i was going to trail round town all day and carry loads of shopping!)
So, I've just got back from town and have obviously gone completely insane (ex may well have a point here if he ever reads this) as for some reason I fell in love in town. utterly, completely and hopelessly. Now, before anyone gets too excited - it was not with a man. It was with a Kylie Minogue designed duvet set. Now, who can resist crisp white cotton covered in a border of silver sparkly disco sequins???????? I bought the damn thing then had to go for a lie down as it was over £100!!!!!!!!!! Have bought it as part of my new man-repellant bedroom which, since ex buggered off, I have painted all pink and cream and filled with scatter cushions, loads of sparkle and the mother of all twinkly chandeliers. This duvet set you see was therefore the final "sod you" gesture towards ex as I know he would have hated it for all its beautiful sparkly girly gorgeousness. I also found that my credit card had accidentally fallen into the chanel make up girl's hands as well as into the florists till so I came home with gorgeous lip glosses, sparkly bedlinen and armfuls of flowers as well as a tummy full of Starbucks from gossiping with my mates.
Off home in a minute (currently at my parents') to start to make myself look half decent for tonight's wedding. Have just bought a few bottles of wine, some gin, tonic and lemons ready for when my mates come round later on before we dash off to the do so hopefully I won't turn up looking like some drunken wino but will be suitably merry so I can retain my "first on the dancefloor" record.
Been thinking a lot today about my new car too. Off on Tuesday to order a brand new Mercedes SLK. I'd saved loads of money for IVF whilst with my ex as I can't have kids naturally. Since he buggered off then the IVF is obviously out the window. Busy coming to terms with the fact that at 33 and twice divorced then I'm not likely to ever become a mum. Looks like my ex took more away from me than just my dignity and self confidence when he left.
So, seeing as I'm not going to be spending my money on having my legs in stirrups and hormones injected into me in the near future, I'm going to swap three letters for three letters - IVF for SLK. Off to the Mercedes garage on Tuesday with an old boyfriend who is a senior manager for Ford and who knows the manager at Mercedes so should be able to get me a good deal.
So, wish me luck for tonight - I promise I won't drink too much gin!
XXXXXX Candy
P.S Apparently there's over 20 single men there tonight - all Aussies or Kiwis and I'm the only single girl going. Now there's a thought, wonder if it's an omen that I bought Aussie inspired bedsheets.........????


Oh and by the way - for all my YAYW buddies - please feel free to post/comment on here as I miss you all!!! Oh, and spread the word that I'm here - it's very lonely here in Cyberspace!