babybels for breakfast...

OOOOOOOOOOOOO, so much has happened in the last 48 hours!
Well, first of all, action geek has turned into a nutter (I know, I know - people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and all that!)
He has been lovely on the phone every night and has been a tower of strength over the last couple of weeks. However, I told him in no uncertain terms the other night that I wanted no more than a friend and that there was no way I wanted any sort of relationship.
He sent me some lovely texts back saying how he did want more than that but that he was prepared to just be friends as he understood my situation. Fair enough, I hear you say. But, before you relax back into your chair and reach for your coffe/red bull/glass of wine, listen to this....!!!!
He's off sailing this weekend and kept pestering me at regular intervals to go with him on this flippin yacht. I explained that on the last seabound journey I made, (the glamorous Dover/Calais ferry) I had to spend the whole journey lying face down on the floor in a star shape and swinging between asking god to kill me and vomiting rather spectacularly in the toilets.
I therefore tried to tell Action Geek that the last thing anyone needed on a posh yachting weekend was a horrendously seasick woman in the midst of a nervous breakdown and who keeps bursting into tears at 15 minute intervals.
AG then texted back to say that he wanted to "lie on the deck of the ship, look at the stars, tell me I was more beautiful than the entire universe and feed me expensive wine".
I replied that I thought we were just mates and that's not what any of my friends did.
He replied that it was, "what good friends did".
My response was that I thought the closest I needed to get to seafaring at the moment was a box of Captain Birdseye and that even that was a push at the moment bearing in mind I can't eat anthing.
AG then kept texting me loads of little texts messages wishing me sweet dreams and with loads of kisses on. I ignored them all and tried to shake the image of being violently drunk and seasick just off the coast of Southampton whilst trying to avoid amorous advances. I'm guessing that on a ship there ain't that many places to hide!
Anyway, texted him this morning to wish him "Bon Voyage" and haven't heard a bloody thing from him. However, my in-box is full of kiss messages. So, looks like I've gained a bit of a stalker here ladies!

Also, was totally set up yesterday by one of my mates. I agreed to meet him for lunch in town but he'd sent along one of his mates as a blind date. I could have clobbered him as not only was this bloke camper than a row of tents, he also had sweat patches the size of Parisian Crepes.
I therefore had to lunch with the Graham Norton's slightly sweatier doppleganger and try and work out an escape plan.
After forcing down a cheese sandwich (which is not easy when you only have someone's rancid armpits for company) he left to go and move his car. I was going to pay the bill and do a runner whilst he was gone but he'd left his glasses on the table. I texted my mate to verbally murder them down the phone and ask how I was going to escape, but by this time he had returned.
I made up an excuse that I had a test drive booked for my new car and had to go but camp man insisted on walking me back to my car.
In the end I just walked so fast that he was struggling to keep up (and my feet were killing me!) and I just thanked him for his company and legged it. (By the way, I did pay the bill before anyone thinks I was being mean).
Igot back to my car and was so greatful not to have anyone near me with Niagra pits that I drove around and enjoyed the sunshine for a bit.

I ended up back at my parents' where my brother turned up and took me down to his latest building project. I ended up shinning up some scaffolding in white capri pants and blue kitten heels and straddling some ceiling joists whilst my brother talked me through the intricacies of his wiring. Brilliant. Oh, and I wrecked the pants climbing back down a cement covered ladder.

When I got back to my parents', ex rang. He spent another half an hour on the phone basically making me feel like shit but telling me that he would listen to the CD later that night.
I ended up sobbing again so my mate took me out for the evening for a bottle of wine and I ended up ranting all the way down a litre of Pinot Grigio Blush. (very good for the soul, very bad for the head).

I tried ringing ex when I got back but as usual, no answer. He called this morning and said he'd listened to the CD but had "no comment". Who am I, the sodding press??? "No comment"??? What the hell does that mean?? Anyway I reiterated that I am his wife and not just some girlfriend that he can dump and walk away from. I also told him about the photos I had seen on Facebook of him at his sevens tournament having loads of fun and being pissed out of his head. I reminded him that whilst those were being taken, I was sobbing on a fire escape. He had no answer to that.

Anyway, trainer boy, car boy and the dodgy scouser all texted me this morning. Trainer boy to arrange our training session on Saturday and to ask what I've managed to eat so far. He's helping to plan a training programme for me that will help me to rebuild some of the strength I've lost since my hospitalisation and poor eating and to sort my diet out. He's already had a go at me because I didn't have any dinner again last night and only had babybels for breakfast. The milk I had had gone off and I had nothing else in, so rather than eating nothing again, i had a couple of those mini cheeses. I asked trainer boy if this constituted a heinous crime against health but he reckons that I probably need the calcium but that porridge would be a better choice next time!
He's also going to take me to a restaurant that one of his clients owns so that I can have lots of little taster plates to try and stimulate my appetite again. The appetite stimulants that the doctor has given me are just not working, so trainer boy is going to get his chef mate to make up some tiny doll-sized portions of things to try and find something I like. Bless him. He also made me laugh so much I nearly crashed yesterday as he simply texted two messages.... The first was "Am I too old for a remote controlled helicopter?" and the second was , "Marmite.... Discuss.....".

The dodgy scouser texted me last night to ask what I was up to which is pretty pointless seeing as he's up there in Scouseland til Sunday and Car boy texted me to say he has man-flu. Why???
Both their texts woke me up this morning as I had fallen asleep on the landing again. (I can't seem to face sleeping in mine and ex's bed so invariably, when I do finally fall asleep in the early hours after crying uncontrollably every night, I'm curled up in my duvet on the landing floorboards.) Cosy. Not.

I jumped so hard that I whacked my head on the radiator thermostat which did not help my pinot grigio hangover. Neither did remembering that I hadn't put the bin out and could hear the bin lorry. So, I had to dash out of the house in last night's clothes with my hair less "Vidal Sassoon" and more "Worzel Gummidge after 5 days at a festival" and wheel my bin out in front of all the neighbours. There was that much tutting it sounded like I was radioactive and they were all Geiger Counters. I wanted to yell, "Yes, I'm turning into a drunken lush but wouldn't you if your sodding husband had left you after four months?" But I didn't. Instead I tripped over my recycling box, stubbed my bare toe and swore so loudly that the bin man gave me a round of applause!

Anyway, I'm definitely not going out tonight. It's not safe out there what with stalking action geeks, disapproving neighbours and my liver currently writing its own application to the Priory!
Am off out tomorrow after trainer boy's session for a few drinks with the girls so no doubt Sunday will be another day of feeling like my head has been nailed the base of a pneumatic drill.

Thanks for reading again though and please do feel free to comment. I love reading what you think about things and it is very lonely here all by myself!
Mitzimoo, did you start that thread on YAYW?

Have a good weekend ladies. I'm off to hide from amorous yachtsmen and people with underarm issues.


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