Well if ever you feel a little on edge and are questioning the whole meaning of life, I would recommend that you do not go to Ikea. Have just got back from a trip there with my mum so she could buy a rug and have somehow ended up £100 lighter myself and have ripped my best trousers.
Woke up this morning with a face like the Elephant man after that ruddy Leona Lewis album had me snivelling into my pillow for the best of the night (damn that girl to hell; I'm going to hunt down Simon Cowell and force him to gag her before I shrivel up like a dried up old husk)
Felt decidedly blue today and couldn't face any breakfast so just read in the bath for a couple of hours and wondered how on earth I was going to tackle the damp patch on the bathroom ceiling when the only tools I own are a flowery miniature hammer and a pair of tweezers.
After face-packing myself to within an inch of my life I got all dressed up for my lunch date with the dodgy scouser. I decided on a pair of beige trousers and really cute Jasmine Guinness top and spent a while straightening my hair and trying to make my face look less like a swollen pink party balloon.
I had a bit of a problem with the trousers as I've lost so much weight that I can actually pull them all the way down without undoing them and they only stay up if I stick my tummy out but I decided that if I walked in a certain way then I could sort of hoik them up and walk at the same time.
However, the insane part of me (who is still madly in love with ex) then had a bit of a wobble and did something rather odd considering I was just about to lunch with someone else.
I shoved Leona Lewis into an envelope with a picture of us from our wedding at the moment we had just been pronounced man and wife and drove into town like a maniac and went to drop it in at ex's work. (I know ladies, I know, you can stop shouting at the screen - I know it was a stupid thing to do but I blame that ruddy Lewis woman!)
So, I walk up to ex's office and am just about to walk in calmly and elegantly when this little old lady falls flat on her face in front of me. She has loads of shopping bags from the market and all her oranges and potatoes are spilling all over the pavement. I was so shocked and she was really upset so I tried to help her up and pick up all of her stuff.
Now, you think she'd be grateful? No.
She started yelling at me as if was me that legged her up and sent her vegetables flying instead of a random paving slab. So, I stood up and stepped backwards out the way but trod on the back of my baggy trousers and started to fall into the doorway of ex's office. Unfortunately the receptionist had also seen the lady fall over and so had come to help and had therefore opened the door to the office. This meant that I now had my trouser leg caught under my heel and was tumbling backwards. I ended up flat on my backside in the doorway of ex's office with his secretary looking down on me. I just shoved the envelope in her hand and asked her to pass it on to ex. I stood up but stood in my trouser leg again and managed to pull my waistband down so much that I ended up revealing my pants.
So, in short, in the last minute, and in full view of ex's entire office it looked as though I had attacked an old woman, launched myself into their doorway and ended up flashing my thong at the entire staff. Brilliant.
I was therefore a little red faced at my bum flashing/pensioner mugging experience by the time I met the dodgy scouser. He was very very cute but so bloody forward it was unreal. He was gobsmacked when I told him the story of ex and just kept saying over and over again "four months - bloody hell". We had a quick drink in a local pub then a bite to eat at Pizza Express. I gave him a lift home as he lives in town and it was tipping it down and he gave me a peck on the cheek and nothing more - thank god; I really don't think I'm ready for any more. He made me laugh a lot though and I love the Scouse accent. He's gone back to Liverpool for a few days now although he has asked to see me again.
Ex phoned earlier and said that he had received my envelope and would listen to the CD tomorrow as he's out with work tonight. So, I ended up going to Ikea with my mum.
We drove all the way there in the god awful weather and after I got drenched for the second time today I ended up buying all sorts of odd bits and pieces for the house that I know ex would have hated - hoorah! However, Ikea is probably the most depressing place in the world for a newly single girl. All I could see were cosy couples picking lampshades or holding hands and deliberating over armchairs. It made me want to climb up into one of those bunk bed displays and sob my socks off.
Things didn't get much better when somehow I managed to get my trouser leg ravelled up in the trolley wheel. I don't quite know how I did it but, just by the outdoor lighting area, I managed to get my right trouser leg rolled up in the wheel. This made me lurch forward and fall over for the second time today - this time into a display box of outdoor cushions. My mum heard the clatter as she was off in the food section looking at pickled herring for my Grandad's birthday and all I heard from across the store was "how the bloody hell did you do that?!!" - thanks mum.
We then drove back in the rain behind all the lorries and chewed over the fact that I'm a bride who is still paying off my wedding dress on her credit card and hasn't even been on her honeymoon yet but has no husband. Does anyone else think that is the maddest thing ever????
Have decided that although I'm going to keep some male company - I'm not going to have any sort of relationship - not even a little kiss. I don't actually want anyone else as I still love ex so much but I know I can't sit in the house like kermit the hermit so I need to get out there. It also forces me to eat if I know I'm on a date.
So, today has been a rather odd mix of falls, lampshades, scousers and torrential rain - is it any wonder I'm a little muddled????
Thanks again for all the comments ladies and thanks for thinking of posting on YAYW. I haven't been on there since it all kicked off on there but would love to hear from everyone on there so I really appreciate the idea of a thread about my blog.
Mitzimoo - your advice is duly noted and as always you are right!!!
Off now to go to bed and thank god I've given that ruddy Lewis woman's CD away now as I was beginning to think I would have to go to bed in an ark as I've been sobbing that much!
Will write more tomorrow. Thanks again for reading.
XXXXXXX Candy
P.S For those of you interested in Action Geek, he has become almost like a professional counsellor. He phones me every day - usually just before bedtime and we chat for about an hour. He really helps to give me a bit of perspective about things and has been totally lovely and supportive about everything. He just listens as I rant and cry about everything and then just tells me I am lovely and clever and pretty and that he's always there for me. What a sweetheart.
3 comments:
Sounds like an eventful day. You react very much like me acting on things that pop into your head though better to get them out of your system as you would always wonder what if I hadn`t tried x, y z.
When I had my split, complete wobble, world imploding scenario. I rang my Ex at work all and racked my brain for things he still had so i could ask for them back.
At the time Daniel Beddingfield If your not the One seemed to haunt me and would set me off no end. I was like two different people the inside hurt one and the one on the outside who didn`t want to go on about how she felt.
I would have also done the knicker flashy part due to clothes not fitting, I solved this problem with rather a large safety pin that used to take in my skirts by about four inches. It works on trousers too but practise first in hiding it so that it doesn`t show as I admit its not a fetching look. But hey needs must..lol
Lunch dates / dinner dates are fine but agree with no touching policy at thr moment anyway.
AG does sound an angel and I sure he wouldn`t try anything
( well I hope) then you can see at least how it feels to be treated like a princess he feels you to be.
P.s Did You go to the Wednesbury thats out local IKEA...
B xx
bless you...
and bless action geek too, what a sweetie! sounds like a good friend. I think it's sensible that you don't want a relationship at this stage, but like you say, there's no point being a hermit!
mary xxx
Oh I think you're just fabulous, I know, I know-it sounds like I'm blowing your trumpet for you. But its true, I admire you so much, you make me laugh like a fool when I read your blog and the way you're picking yourself up is really something to be very proud of.
NOW, enough of all that...
Action Geek, hmmmm, he just sounds perfect doesn't he? What an absolute sweetheart he really is, with his phonecalls and how he cares about you. A special man indeed-just a shame there's no chemistry! But, maybe that's a good thing at the moment, as you seem to be doing exactly what you need to be-healing.
And don't think you've lost the plot with your little crazy moments regarding your Ex...jeeez, if I could tell you just a few of mine, you'd be rolling round the floor wetting yourself laughing. I think it's something we all do, it's a way of trying to hold on to something that we think is worth holding on to. It's only in time when you look back and think 'why did I bother wasting my time on that donkey???'. Easy for me to say that now though...
I just love reading this-please keep it coming!! You're a little star and it's wonderful to hear from you again x x x
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