yin yang...

Now, I'm a great believer in that whatever happens that's good, there's bound to be a bad thing of equal measure. I guess that optimists would see it the other way around but anyone that knows me knows that I truly do seem to have "yin yang" days where something odd happens as well as something good. Yesterday was no exception.

I was gutted after school yesterday as I went to my office to retrieve my folders, my sunglasses and my jacket. My folders were there, my jacket was there but my chanel sunglasses which I bought on my trip to London for mum's birthday from Harrods to cheer myself up after ST's vile few months were gone.

My beautiful chanel sunglasses had been nicked.

Because I'm such a forgetful idiot, I checked with anyone who'd been in my office all day whether or not they'd seen them there and they all said they had. The only conclusion I can come to is that as my office door is right next to the main reception for the school, someone has reached in and had them. I forgot that we had a charity book fair from 3pm yesterday so the main doors would have been open and any number of dozens of people would have been traipsing past the door. So, someone is wandering round my school's village with a genuine pair of £180 chanel specs. Bum.

I can't claim on my household insurance as I phoned them yesterday and I have a £100 excess and they said if I claim then my policy will go up by £50 so I'll only receive £30 which is n't really worth the hassle. So, I guess I just put it down to experience and know not to leave my door open again.


It really upset me though, especially as I devote so much time and energy into helping the local community in the school. I'm taking all the kids away next week on their residential, have just started up an after school club for those children who are struggling with their work and whose parents have literacy difficulties and can't support them at hom and have spent 2 evenings this week doing parents' evening. I also went yesterday to the local supermarket too and bought loads of stuff for one of the kids whose birthday it is whilst we're away so I got loads of party stuff, a cake and prizes for games etc. All out of my own money cause I know some of the kids I'm taking don't ever have normal everyday stuff like that and this is how I've been repaid, by getting robbed. It's probably my own fault for taking something like that to school but I honestly thought that no one would go into my office and steal from me. Just have to be more careful in future I guess.

However, the opposite to my upset yesterday was rather a different story. Tom sat me down this morning and asked me how I felt about a few things. He said that he loved me very much and wanted to start planning properly for a future together. He said that he knew I wanted to keep my own house as I've been so let down and feel vulnerable and distrustful of people after ST robbed me of all my money so he says that's fine. He also says that he knows I don't want to get married ever again and that's fine also. But, he did say that he wants me to move in with him! He says that he knows I'm not really up for moving to where he lives at the moment so he says that I can pick somewhere I'd like to live and next year we can think about moving somewhere and starting a new life together. He says I can have a budget of £400,000 for any house I like and he showed me on rightmove the sort of properties he was interested in. He said, if I wanted to, he'd buy me a ring too which he'd call my "I promise never ever ever to marry you ring" and that I only have to say the word when I'm ready and it's all on.

To say I'm a little overwhelmed is the understatement of the year. I've told my mum and she's thrilled. However, I'm pleased but trying to stay level headed. I'm definitely not ready for anything yet and Tom knows this but he says that this time next year we should start making proper plans. My immediate reaction was that it's too soon but then I thought that it's over a year now since ST started coming home drunk, smashing up furniture and making me frightened in my own home and almost a year since he left. I've told Tom that I'm not ready for anything at the moment and that he'll need to be patient but it's so lovely to know that a fresh start and a clean sheet may be on the cards. Strangely enough I bought a picture the other day from a really nice shop, it was when I saw Madeline McCann's mum and it said on it, "Sometimes on your way to a dream you get lost and find a better one". Never a truer word it seems.

I know that some people reading this will automatically see the bad it in and label me reactionary, needy, jumping from one relationship to the next but I hope those people re-read this and see that I'm giving it at least until next year before I make any decisions and that I'm not going to put myself in a vulnerable position and so will keep my own house. I'm also not going to agree to Tom's ring idea as I'm not ready to trust any sort of commitment, even if it does come with a huge great sparkler!

So, I'm off into town now to do something rather odd. I'm going to a jewellers to sell my wedding and engagement rings. I was going to do it a while ago but it seems as though now is definitely the time to do it. If not doing it for the new life that seems to be opening up in front of me then at least to get some cash to buy some new sunglasses!

Hope you're all having a good weekend.


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