dubloons and divorce - skullduggery on the high seas of separation...

I think I'm going to explode with rage, frustration and venom. Never before have I been so utterly livid with another human being. Supertwat really has excelled himself; so much so that yesterday I had to be given a diazepam to calm me down as I was utterly hysterical. Luckily my brother has now stepped in and taken over but he is appalled at what's been going on behind the scenes.

I apologise in advance if this post ends up as a difficult to follow and rather mad ramble but I can't even get my own head around it all at the moment so hats off to you if you manage it!

Just to recap...

Supertwat never used to contribute to the mortgage or any bills or food during the two years he lived in my house. (I own the house outright and lived in it alone before he moved in.)
He occasionally used to bung me the odd hundred quid or so but my monthly outgoings were over £950 so it didn't really cover anything substantial.

he also owes me over 2k in money he borrowed off me.

he contributed £1250 towards the wedding and his parents gave us 3k. I paid for the rest of the wedding out of my own pocket with no contributions from anyone else so I paid out over 11k of my own savings. We agreed that over the years, this would average out if supertwat had to support me if I took a career break to have kids.

What pains me is that he knew that I cried when I had to spend that money as it was everything I'd saved since I was 14 and included old wages from babysitting in my early teens, right up to bar work at uni. I also bought my own outift on top of this sum which was another 2k.


Anway, there's the background and here's the problems...

When supertwat left, I asked him for all the money from the cost of the wedding back as well as the other money he owed me. My reasoning was that as he had left me so soon after the wedding for no apparent reason and had been so utterly vile (not to mention refusing any relationship counselling) then he should not leave me out of pocket from my life savings.

He has dragged his feet over this for the last 6 weeks, refusing to tell me how much he will pay me back or when. This has caused me so much stress I just can't explain it. I need to remortgage the house soon so I need to know how much savings I've got as the mortage market has changed and I can't get the deal I want without putting more money in. I also need a new kitchen (none of the drawers work and the cupboards don't close properly, my shower's broken and my boiler isn't working properly. The SLK idea has totally bitten the dust since the change in the mortgage markets too.

So, in a nutshell, he owes me £11.5K as well as if I backdated his contributions to the house (which I haven't) would have been another £11k. This means that I am currently 22K out of pocket through supporting him and paying for our wedding.

Yesterday, he contacted me to tell me how much he's paying back. Now, wait for it...

Two grand.

Two grand, minus damage to his telly and stereo. He's even charging me for scratching his car when I know he bumped it a couple of weeks ago and claimed on his insurance for my scratches!
He's therefore intending to give me back less than £1500. I'm out of pocket to the tune of £22K and he offers me £1500.

I went mental on the phone.

I lost all dignity and started screaming at him. I threatened to go into his work and tell his boss about all his dodgy dealings and dump the paperwork proof on his boss' desk. I also threatened to go into his office and tell everyone in there that he wasn't the golden boy they thought they'd employed and that what they actually had in their employment was a man who dumps his wife after 3 months, calls her "an animal" when she is suffering from anxiety, drinks til the early hours and terrifies her by smashing up furniture, doesn't go to see her or contact her when she is hooked up to machines in hospital and deliberately drives away from her on her birthday when she is sobbing at him to stop and talk. I was absolutely livid.

He then accused me of blackmail and that I was "pathetic". He also said that as his family had contributed significantly more in terms of cash gifts for our wedding (we asked for money towards our honeymoon) then I should be grateful to him and that he deserved all of that back! How insulting.

Luckily, not long after I got off the phone to him and was having my first full blown panic attack in ages, my brother turned up. He was fuming with supertwat and said that I shouldn't try to fight this on my own anymore. He downloaded all the e-mails from me that were begging supertwat to not call me and to just let my solicitors or parents deal with it all for me as I was finding it so upsetting. He took all the spreadsheets that I had sent and that supertwat had sent me and he went home and analysed them all. He then later e-mailed supertwat and asked him not to call or text me anymore and to simply return the money he owed me in addition to at least half the cost of the wedding and to not communicate about anything other than the divorce or legal matters.

When he left, I began to wonder how he knew I was at my parents'. It was then that I nearly drove round to trainer boy's and slapped him too. TB had rung me just after supertwat's call and could tell I was really upset. He'd then phoned my mate who had phoned my brother who had come dashing round.

However, despite the fact that I know he did this because he was worried that I was so upset, it was a horrible "groundhog day" moment for my best friend and my brother. It was whilst my parents were in Estonia last time (like they are now) that I ended up in hospital after an overdose. They had both found me and then had to arrange my parents' flights home and my care whilst in hospital. Trainer boy had therefore inadvertently raked up a load of horrible memories and my poor mate and my brother were frantic again. I was fuming as I've spent the last couple of months proving to everyone that I'm coping and can actually look after myself quite well thank you very much. Trainer boy really set the cat amongst the pigeons and my best mate was almost beside herself with worry. I therefore had to spend the rest of the evening convincing everyone that I wasn't about to leap of a bridge or down a paracetamol cocktail whilst at the same time just raging at the cheek of supertwat.

I'm currently waiting to see whether or not he gets back to either my brother or me or revises his "offer" which I currently feel like shoving up his ungrateful and spineless arse.

On a lighter note however, I had a right laugh on Saturday night on a rather random "pirates" themed night out with my mates. We all dressed up as pirates and went out on the town, drinkign only rum and trying to pay for drinks with a load of plastic "dubloons" that I had found in a joke shop. I spent the night with the floppiest cutlass in the world and a belt so wide that it almost dislodged my spleen.
One of my mates got the nickname "bob depp" during the night as her hat was exactly like Johnny Depp's in pirates of the caribbean but had hideous bob marley style dredlocks attached to it.
For some bizarre reason, I also decided to tell everyone that we spoke to that we were beginning a round Europe charity yacht race the next day and would be sailing from Portsmouth on my millionaire father's yacht. (why do I tell such hideous lies when I'm drunk!!???)
We managed to convince loads of people that we were actully experienced sailors and I spent fair to long shouting such classics as "splice the mainbrace", "man the rigging" and "dodge the boom me hearties!" whilst downing shots of Lamb's navy rum- I am such a classy lady.
The next day found me asleep on top of my bed with my face in a chip box and my tricorn hat rather askew. It is also not advisable to sleep on a cutlass (however floppy) as you are likely to sustain an ailment I am christening "cutlass handle" where the only hard bit of yoru joke weapon digs into your hipbone when you pass out and you have a huge bruise on your bone just in time for your holiday!
I was suprised to find my mate in the spare room - I could've sworn I came home alone, but she had managed to slip into her high school musical PJs, which with her bob depp hat looked great over a cup of tea.
After she left, i had the usual carb cravings so ended up in bed in my pirate's hat eating uncle ben's microwave golden vegetable rice. It is at moments like these that I catch sight of myself in my mirror and just can't fathom why I am single and why someone would not want a hungover woman stinking like a navvy eating junk food out of a plastic pouch whilst wearing an eyepatch. The mind boggles - just what on earth's wrong with the men of today?

Am off in a minute too for round two of "Bridesmaid challenge". This consists of my sister in law to be and me, looking for a dress that we both like and that will suit both me and her sister. I have a chest that looks like two smarties on an ironing board and her sister makes jordan look a little flat. I also have a very small waist and average shoulders but her sister is very tall, has broad shoulders and is fairly straight up and down. If I wear empire line then I look like a pregnant weeble and if her sister wears strapless "prom style" then she looks like a male olympic swimmer. I can't wear V-necks as my chest is really bony and really fitted dresses make my bum look like Jessica Rabbit as my waist is so tiny. So, any ideas of styles gratefully received. I've suggested the whole "same fabric, different styles" idea but this went down like a fart in a spacesuit so I'm leaving that one well alone for now.

Oh well, wish me luck, I'll be swathed in taffeta and organza for the afternoon whilst sobbing into a justin alexander or a maggie (I'm going to the same flippin dress shop that my dress came from!) Hopefully, I'll find something that doesn't make me look like either Margot from "The Good Life" or a Laura Ashley sofa; however, I'm not really that bothered, I'm just really happy for the pair of them. However, I'd much rather be immortalised in their pictures in something that doesn't make me look like a pregnant sloane ranger!

Thanks so much for all your love and support ladies - it truly means the world to me.

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